at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
