I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
