Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
