your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
