We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So much rum. So many feels.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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