If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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