Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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