call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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