I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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