Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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