you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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