honey bunches of taint.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
