you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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