nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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