Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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