Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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