Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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