I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
