Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
