I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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