I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
