Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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