I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
