Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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