he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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