too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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