he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
