my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
