there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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