I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize