He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
