I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
