I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
