I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
