Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
