There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
