no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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