i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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