are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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