I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
