Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
