he wants to bone in the snuggie
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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