Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
