I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize