Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
