i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
