He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I love how my cats smell like pot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
