We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize