Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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