I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
