I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
