Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
