Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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