So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
