i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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