Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i think my cat just said my name.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
