What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
